


Eloping With Pirates

by asongofhopeandjoy



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Kissing, One Shot, Pining, Pirates, Post-Canon, Post-War, Romance, Secret Santa, Zutara Holiday Exchange 2020, and there was only one bed...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28268406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asongofhopeandjoy/pseuds/asongofhopeandjoy
Summary: Hey there star-crossed lovers!Do your parents not approve of your marriage? Have you failed to convince Mum and Dad that your one true love is the right person for you? Or, would you rather skip that awkward conversation and put a ring on it before they have the chance to object?Swing by our ship at sunset on dock thirty-three at Caldera City port and we'll take you to the Earth Kingdom Capital, Ba Sing Se, where you and your sweetheart can elope to for the right price! Our crew of experienced seamen will make sure you get there safe and sound in first class accommodation, and your parents will be none the wiser!Hurry though, we'll be casting off in three days! Visit us or say goodbye to your lover forever! Arr!
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 62
Collections: Zutara Holiday Exchange 2020





	Eloping With Pirates

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goodnightmoonz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodnightmoonz/gifts).



> Happy Holidays goodnightmoonz! For the Zutara Holiday Exchange, you requested a fanfic where Zuko and Katara were in a fake relationship, possibly doing undercover work. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fanfic where they try to convince the Pirate Captain from the Waterbending Scroll episode (who I have named Zheng Yi so I don't have to refer to him as the Pirate Captain throughout this entire fic) that they're in a relationship for reasons you may discover later on in the story. I had a lot of fun writing from Zheng Yi's point of view and I hope that shows throughout this one-shot. 
> 
> One more thing before I let everyone read on, everyone please note that this fanfic is written from the point of view of the story's villain, so he says and thinks things that are a little problematic (like using the word cripple but since I'm a disabled author I think it's okay to show the story's villain being an ableist butthole). I have chosen not to use any warnings because he doesn't do or say anything that I think would trigger anyone, but I thought I'd give you a warning in advance in case you are sensitive about that sort of thing. 
> 
> Happy Holidays and I hope you all have a lovely winter break!

Zheng Yi had been the captain of his ship for decades and had traded in many exotic animals, from the prized pedigrees to the just plain bizarre creatures that haunted men’s nightmares, all for his weight in gold - but there was one animal Zheng Yi would never part with… 

“Kiki want a cracker?” he cooed at the iguana parrot sitting on his shoulder. He clapped his hands together in delight as the winged creature’s beak snapped a piece of the salty treat from his band and started devouring it whole. “I love you so much Kiki!” 

Pirate Captain Zheng Yi froze like a cat deer caught in torchlight when he heard his shipmate coughing. 

“We’ve got customers Captain.” The gloomy pirate deadpanned. “A couple of lovebirds who wanna travel discreetly.” 

‘You and Kiki would probably have a lot in common with them.’ Captain Zheng Yi could hear the teenage misfit say inside his head. With rosy cheeks the Captain hissed at the teenager before slamming Kiki’s crackers into his desk drawer. 

“Well don’t just stand there you ill-mannered hog monkey, let them in!” 

The boy in black yelped and scurried out the room like one of the many sea rats on his ship. Captain Zhang Yi sighed and reclined into his chair, petting Kiki as he mulled over his life choices. “You just can’t get the  _ staff  _ these days…” 

The captain had been born and bred in chaos during the hundred-year war that had created the most ruthless and cunning pirates ever recorded in history, and he was thankful for the education he received via the bloodshed and backstabbing, for peacetime had made the next generation of seafaring adventurers soft. 

“During the war I could find  _ dozens _ of brats like him who would have been more useful, but now I’m lucky if I find a street urchin who doesn’t get put in an  _ orphanage _ .” The captain spat out the last word like it was a curse. “Who spit in that ex-freedom fighter’s bean curd? I know Jet was an orphan himself, but what harm did living on the streets ever do to a young boy?” 

Kiki squawked at her owner as she nibbled on the crumbs sitting in his pirate hat.

“You’re absolutely right gorgeous, that cripple is a killjoy! Yes he is! Yes he is!” 

Captain Zheng Yi froze when he heard a knock at the door. The brat was mindful enough to not barge into his office this time. Good! Maybe Zheng Yi would be able to at least mold that weakling into a respectable kitchen boy if the young lad stayed on his good side. 

“Come in.” 

The cursed boy shyly opened the door and announced: “Lord Li and Lady Kwa Mai are here to see you Sir.” 

“Thank you Wang Zhi.” Zheng Yi used his sweetest voice to praise the lad. Being nice to your underlings was a good way to trick wealthy nobles into liking you, even if they treated their own servants like trash. “Would you mind getting some tea for our guests?” 

“Oh, that won’t be necessary!” A young Water Tribe maiden popped her head through the door. “Li and I are not thirsty.” 

Zheng Yi cocked an eyebrow at the young lady. 

Well, well. 

Wasn’t the young thief a big girl now?

She may have been caked in makeup and wearing her finest robes, but Pirate Captain Zheng Yi never forgot a face, and he would have recognised the young peasant from a thousand yards. She may have matured, Zheng Yi certainly did notice how much curvier she had gotten, but those big baby blue eyes and hair loopies made her instantly recognisable. 

And it seemed as if he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t forget those pretty eyes… 

“Yes, thank you for your kind offer, but...” Zheng Yi had to resist the urge to laugh in ‘Lord Li’s’ face. Li’s expression made it so obvious that he wanted to murder the captain as soon as he laid eyes on him, but his toothy smile said he needed to keep up this charade. “Me and Kwa Mai would not want to impose.” 

Kiki squawked, sharing her owner’s amusement. 

“Nonsense!” Zheng Yi waved his hand. “I am nothing, if not a gracious host!” 

The ship captain took much delight in the sound of Fire Lord Zuko’s teeth grinding in irritation. Served the fool right for thinking an  _ eye-patch _ of all things would stop him from recognising him. Seems he learned nothing from his teenage years. He’d have kicked the boy off his ship for stupidity alone, but… 

What fun would that be? 

“Wang Zhi, get the tea!” He barked at his aide. “And you two…” 

He rested his chin on his hands. 

“Sit! And tell me all about yourselves!” 

Zuko looked like he would rather throw Zheng Yi out the window, but thankfully the peasant girl - Katara was her name? Yes, he was sure it was Katara, not ‘Kwa Mai’ - pulled him next to her onto the loveseat sitting opposite the captain’s desk. 

“How can I be of service to you today?”  _ Tell me what you are up to Mr Fire Lord _ . 

Zheng Yi made it a point to keep up with political and world news to stay ahead of the game. He remembered Fire Lord Zuko well from his teen years and thought it would be a good idea to keep track of him, just in case they ever sought revenge against the pirates who blew up their ship with him inside. 

From what Zheng Yi’s pretty little birds told him, Fire Lord Zuko had seemed to have mellowed out and was becoming a fine and upstanding young man, hardly the type to seek revenge but still powerful enough to give Zheng Yi trouble if he was feeling petty. 

“Lord Li and I need to get to Ba Sing Se…” ‘Kwa Mai’ grabbed Zuko’s arm and made a show of fluttering her eyelashes at him. “Discreetly.” 

Zheng Yi had to twiddle thumbs to resist the urge to laugh at Katara’s bad acting. It was abysmal. Atrocious. Famous thespians who were long dead would have risen from the grave to heckle her if they could. If Zuko wasn’t sitting with his spine ramrod straight in his chair, sweat coursing from his pores, her performance alone would have  _ screamed _ that they weren’t a real couple. 

But… 

Flushed cheeks… Dilated Pupils… The way the Fire Lord bit his lip when the Katara’s hand brushed against his chest… 

They weren’t a real couple, but that wasn’t stopping the Fire Lord’s heart from burning for Katara. 

Zheng Yi wasn’t surprised. He remembered the night he and Zuko caught the peasant well. He had seen men use the ‘smooth and seductive’ technique to get what they wanted from women thousands of times, and the ‘please help me restore my honour’ spiel was the most desperate attempt at getting a girl’s pity love he had ever seen. 

Let’s just say the Avatar wasn’t the only thing Prince Zuko was hoping to catch that night… 

‘I wonder just how awkward I can make this for these chumps…’ Zheng Yi’s pretty little birds had told him that Zuko and Katara were on better terms these days, but he knew deep down that all humans were petty creatures. Old scars never truly healed and he had a feeling Katara still resented Zuko for kidnapping her and chasing down her friends halfway across the world. 

Zheng Yi’s lips curled into a menacing smirk. 

“Oh?” he cooed. “Need to get away from the kids, huh?” 

The pirate nearly jumped out of his seat when Zuko started coughing fireballs. Zheng Yi wondered if he should call Wang Zhi to hurry up with that tea, genuinely concerned that Zuko was going to choke before a blushing Katara patted his back. 

“No, no kids. Not yet.” Zheng Yi caught the way Katara stared fondly at Zuko and how she took extra care when she softly rubbed his back. “We need to focus on other things right now.” 

‘Hmm…’ Zheng Yi scratched behind Kiki’s ear. ‘Interesting…’ 

The girl’s obvious affection for the Fire Lord made the pirate want to mess with the ‘couple’ even more. Zheng Yi’s pretty birds liked to gossip about Zuko’s willingness to put himself in harm’s way for the waterbender and how they would have beautiful ‘steambabies’ together (he hated that silly term), but Zheng Yi wasn’t entirely convinced Katara would let Zuko put a bun in her oven. 

Katara was known by people around the world for being very caring and kind. She was the kind of do-gooder Zheng Yi absolutely loathed. He’d have given up his best ship to make people like her disappear, it would make his life a lot easier! So he wouldn’t be surprised if she was being nice to the Fire Lord because of her sympathetic nature. 

It wouldn’t hurt for Zheng Yi to confirm his suspicions though… 

“And what would those things be, my lady?” 

“Getting to Ba Sing Se without being caught.” 

Ba Sing Se… 

That just so happened to be where Ching Shih, the Pirate Queen, was hiding this summer. 

“Caught?” Zheng Yi gasped for dramatic effect. “My lady, what have you been up to? I do hope you haven’t been committing any crimes, such as, I don’t know… blowing up other people’s ships?”

Seeing Zuko  _ seethe _ was worth losing the arms of one of his office chairs, the look on Zuko’s face as he gripped them was absolutely priceless! 

Katara was the man’s polar opposite. Seeing Zheng Yi’s trolling for what it was, she gave Zuko a sweet peck on the cheek and flashed a pleasant, serene smile in the pirate captain’s direction. 

“Nothing so dramatic my dear Captain!” Huh… Cheeky floozy. “It’s just that Li is a firebender and I am a waterbender, and our parents don’t accept our relationship.” 

Okay, okay, Zheng Yi would give Katara this one… It was smart of them to pick a backstory that was grounded in truth. Zheng Yi had helped a lot of couples from different nations travel to Ba Sing Se where nobody cared if your parents approved of your relationship, you could get married in the city with zero questions asked, as long as you paid the right price. 

And bleeding hog monkeys were these kids willing to pay  _ double _ that. If Zheng Yi didn’t love being a pirate, he would have been able to retire just from the bank accounts of these desperate and thirsty children. 

“We’re hoping that once our parents see how committed we are to the relationship, they’ll understand how much we love each other.”

Zheng Yi wanted to  _ barf _ the entire contents of his stomach onto his desk when Katara took Zuko’s hand and looked deeply into his eyes. 

Okay, maybe Katara wasn’t a  _ completely _ hopeless actress. If Zheng Yi were a sap we probably would have believed she actually had feelings for the scarred royal mutt and would have happily paid for her eye surgery so she could get that problem fixed. 

But saying you liked someone was different from actually having to spend time with them.

“Lady Kwa Mai, I’m an old fashioned man. I believe that if something ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” Captain Zheng Yi stroked his chin and looked outside his window. “Rules and regulations are needed for society to function well… But tradition must not get in the way of progress!” 

Zheng Yi leaned over his desk, snatched Katara’s hand away from Zuko (much to the other man’s annoyance) and patted it gently. 

“I’ll help you get to Ba Sing Se. For a fee.” 

“Oh thank you Captain!” Zheng Yi grinned at the way Katara feigned excitement, she truly was a hack actress. “We shall name our first child after you!” 

_ Ugh.  _

Now Zheng Yi  _ really  _ wanted to puke and it seemed as if Zuko shared that feeling, but the show had to go on. He wasn’t done torturing these kids and he wasn’t about to let this rascally waterbender put a damper on his fun just yet. Oh no, she was going to regret not biting her tongue… 

“You will have to keep out of sight though.” Zheng Yi solemnly warned Katara. “I would not want your families to come after us and wreck the ship. This will mean spending a lot of time together, below the ship’s deck.” 

Being in close proximity to one another for hours on end would drive them mad, he was sure of it. If Zheng Yi were lucky, Zuko and Katara would kill each other before the journey was over, and he could steal all their money from where their rotting corpses lay. 

“Oh honey, this means we’ll have time to finish reading that scroll you recommended!” Katara clapped her hands together in delight. Zheng Yi cringed at the way Zuko’s face morphed from an ugly vexed expression to that of a lovesick polar dog who would risk it all for their master. “He’s been trying to get me to read Love Amongst The Dragons for years!” 

“Is that so?” Zheng Yi sneered. ‘Well let’s see how you like this missy…’ 

“Well I’m very glad to hear that because you’ll both be stuck in the same room… For hours at a time.” he helpfully informed the ‘couple’. “My men can get very handsy when it comes to pretty young ladies, so it’s best to stay out of their sight.” 

“Oh no!” Katara blushed and cradled her cheeks with her hands, playing the distressed maiden. “I wouldn’t want any sailors to come after me… I’ll have to rely on my big, strong Li to protect me!” 

‘Bleeding hog monkeys!’ Zheng Yi seethed. ‘This girl is better than I thought.’ 

“Kwa Mai, please…” Zuko coughed, his cheeks becoming rosy red. “I’m sure it won’t come to that.” 

‘Especially since Katara is a master waterbender.’ Zheng Yi made a mental note to warn his crew about what a dangerous warrior Katara had become. They would need to be careful if a fight broke out, the pirate captain didn’t want to lose another ship. His pretty little birds told him all about the time Katara sunk a ship because the wrong person struck a nerve. 

“Just giving you both a fair warning, since my men aren’t as refined and sophisticated as the company here.” Zheng Yi smiled as he retrieved a key with a number on it from his desk drawer. If this didn’t get under the girl’s skin he would eat his own hat. “Speaking of which, I’ll give you fine people the finest room on my ship. I wouldn’t want my new customers wallowing in second class accommodation.” 

“You’re too kind.” Zheng Yi smirked, knowing Zuko wouldn’t think that in a few seconds. 

“Not at all, it’s my pleasure!” Zheng Yi said as he came out from behind his desk to stand next to Katara and offer her the key. “But there’s one slight problem…” 

“What’s that?” Poor, sweet and innocent Katara…

Kiki’s ominous squawking echoed throughout the room. 

“There’s only one bed.” Zheng Yi sing-songed. 

The pirate captain could picture Katara’s face curling into a disgusted expression, the timid whimpers she’d cry as she’d excuse herself and run out into the hallway, leaving the Fire Lord heartbroken and distraught. He could taste the ashes of their shame and humiliation, which would be sweeter than any moon peach champagne he had ever stolen from a rich merchant! 

He honestly, in a million years, did not expect the water tribe vixen to snatch the key out of his hand… 

“That my dear captain,” Katara purred, like a fox panther who had stumbled upon her prey. “Is not going to be a problem.” 

“What?” Zuko sat there like a pretty sparrowkeet who had been caught in a fox panther’s claws. 

“I… Pardon me my lady, but I don’t think you understood what I said.” Zheng Yi coughed. “There’s only one room-”

“I heard you Captain and believe me.” Zheng Yi’s jaw dropped when Katara’s hooded bedroom eyes locked onto Zuko’s. “It’s not going to be a problem.” 

Zheng Yi didn’t know whether to feel sorry for the poor bastard when Katara pulled on Zuko’s collar and drew him in for an open mouthed kiss, or to curse the ugly royal for managing to snag a cheeky minx whose kisses could drive a man insane (or at least that's how it looked from Zuko's point of view). 

Zheng Yi was tempted towards the former when Katara broke the kiss, not caring that she had made her ‘boyfriend’ a blubbering, drooling mess. 

“I’ve been dying to get him alone for a very long time, dear captain.” Katara smirked. “I know we haven’t said our vows yet, but since we’re paying you a satchel full of gold for our safe travel, perhaps you could overlook the fact we aren’t married yet, just this once.” 

Oh. After Katara nonchalantly untied the satchel from Zuko’s waist and tossed it on to Zheng Yi’s desk, the captain definitely felt sorry for the Fire Lord. 

He was the definition of  _ whipped _ . 

Zheng Yi pouted at the pile of money. He didn’t know exactly how Katara felt about Zuko, but he did know that she had just bested him in a game of wits and the captain  _ hated _ losing. He was half-tempted to toss the money back at the waterbender and tell her to get out. 

But he didn’t get to be captain of a ship by saying no to money. 

“My good lady, as long as you don’t wake up my men in the middle of night, you are free to do whatever you want to your beloved in your room.” The captain sniggered. “If you’re willing to pay another sack of gold at the end of this journey.” 

Katara grinned ear to ear. 

“Oh, Li will happily pay that sack of gold when I’m finished with him.” Zheng Yi quirked an eyebrow at the way Zuko’s jaw dropped to the floor, his heavy tongue failing to form the words he wanted to stutter out of his mouth. 

“I, Kata- Kwa Mai, I, wha-” he barely even put up a fight when Katara pulled him from out of the chair and hooked her arm in his. “What is-”

“Don’t fret love, it’s nothing that the captain probably hasn’t seen or heard before.” Katara assured Zuko as she leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. “Let’s just enjoy our trip together.” 

“But there’s only one bed!” the poor lad cried. “There’s only one bed!” 

“Mmm, yes~” 

‘If that were me I’d be milking that situation for all it’s worth. That man truly is a fool.’ Zheng Yi massaged his temples. ‘It’s been years since a woman was eager to share a bed with me for free.’ 

“Here’s your tea captain-” Wang Zhi scanned the room, bewildered to find that the couple had disappeared. “Captain, where did they go?” 

“Nevermind them boy. We’ve got bigger problems than letting hot tea go cold.” Zheng Yi gestured for Wang Zhi to come closer and checked the hallway, to make sure the Fire Lord and the waterbender were gone. When he was sure they weren’t around to hear his next command, he whispered to Wang Zhi: “Tell Jian that that couple are here to warn the hag.” 

Wang Zhi gasped. “They’re in cahoots with the pirate queen?” 

“Not exactly.” Zheng Yi chuckled and grabbed the teapot from Wang Zhi’s tray. “They just want to put a stop to our plans. We’re going to make sure they don’t get in our way.” 

Zheng Yi fetched something from his cabinet and poured it into the teapot. Wang Zhi watched in awe as zesty bubbles floated on the liquid’s surface. 

“You’re not going to kill them, are you?!” Wang Zhi had the common sense to whisper his question quietly, knowing he’d get a black eye for spilling the beans. 

“Of course not my boy, that would be too much hassle.” As much as Zheng Yi would like to finish the job Admiral Zhao gave him all those years ago, murdering the Fire Lord would be more trouble than it was worth. “But they will certainly wish they were dead.” 

Katara may have won this battle, but she was not going to win the war. 

* * *

“His face was priceless!” Katara cackled as she put away her formal clothes. She honestly didn’t want to bring them, but Zuko insisted that an aristocratic young couple running away together wouldn’t think about the ‘practical’ side of fleeing their parents and Zheng Yi would have picked up on that. “He didn’t believe I was into you, but I sure showed him!” 

“Mmmhmm…” Zuko shyly mumbled as he folded his shirt. 

“And he used the old ‘there’s only one bed’ trick. Ha! Little does he know I’m not some prissy little maiden. I’ve shared a bed with stinky, drooling boys before. We in the Water Tribe aren’t scared of getting a little bit up close and personal. We don’t know the definition of personal space!”

“That’s great Katara...” Zuko said as he put away his formal shirt in one of the drawers. 

Katara watched him quietly as he moved onto the next item of clothing that needed to be packed, seemingly lost in his own little world. 

She put down her fancy parka to sit next to him on their bed and hold his hand. 

“Hey um… I’m sorry if I came on a little strong back in the captain’s quarters.” she stroked his hand, hoping the gesture would give him some comfort. “I know we both agreed to pretend to be a couple for the purpose of this mission, but that doesn’t mean it was okay for me to kiss you like that.” 

The tips of Zuko’s ears turned bright red. 

“I didn’t mind.” If Zuko hadn’t been so shocked by the kiss he would have returned it with greater passion, but he was too shy to tell Katara that. Even admitting that the kiss wasn’t unwelcome was getting him hot under the collar, especially when Katara was smiling at him like that. 

“I’m glad, but you’re my friend and I care about what you want and how you feel. After dinner, let’s discuss some ground rules so we don’t accidentally cross a line while we’re on this ship.”    


Warmth pulsed throughout Zuko’s body when he heard Katara say that. 

“All right.” Zuko closed the gap between Katara and gave her a sweet peck on the cheek. “My darling.” 

Katara giggled, her cheeks glowing pink: “You were worried about whether you’d be able to play the doting fiancé for nothing. You’re a natural!” 

“Yeah…” Zuko sighed softly. “Those theatre classes mum sent me to as a kid really paid off.”    



End file.
